I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
