Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
