yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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