party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
