she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
