Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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