so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
