It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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