it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
