True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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