It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
