I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
