Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
