We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So squirting runs in the family.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
