I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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