i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
