If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
