YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
