Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
