oh god the rape fog is back!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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