dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think your dad took our porno
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
