This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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