I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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