I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
