I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
