Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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