the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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