turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
