i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
