I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
