I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
