Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
