Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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