i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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