I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
