Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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