I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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