I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
