My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
