how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
