Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
