so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
