Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he fucked my hip out of place.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
did you just send me my own nude
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
