3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
