Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
