Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
