He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
