he told me I talked like a deaf person
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
