I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
