I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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