WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
