??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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