she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
