The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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