i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
